IELTS Essay Bank · Task 2 Academic · Opinion (agree/disagree)
Education and Jobs vs Prisons: Band 6 Sample Essay
265 words · Topic: Crime & law, Government ·
The question
Some people claim that the most effective way to reduce crime is to give young people better education and job opportunities rather than building more prisons.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.
Band 6 sample essay
Highlighted = useful vocabularyNowadays, crime is a big problem in many country and goverments are trying to find the best way to reduce it. Some people think that giving young people better education and jobs is more effective than building more prisons. I am agree with this idea for the most part.
Firstly, education is very important for reduce crime. When young people go to school and learn good things, they understand that crime is wrong and they can have a good future. For example, in my country many teenagers who leave school early start to steal because they have nothing to do. If they stay in school, they will have less time to do crimes. So education is the best way to stop crime.
Secondly, jobs are also very important. If young people have a job, they have money and they don't need to steal. Also a job give them resposibility and they feel that they are usefull for the society. Unemployment is one of the main reason of crime in big cities, because people without money feel angry and hopeless.
On the other hand, prisons are still necesary for dangerous criminals like murderers, because people must be protected from them. However building more prisons is very expensive and it don't solve the problem. Many prisoners go back to crime after they leave the prison, because they learn bad things from other criminals inside.
In conclusion, I think education and jobs are a better way to reduce crime than prisons, but prisons are also needed in some situation. The goverment should spend money on both of them.
Word count: 265
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Why this is Band 6: criterion by criterion
Task Response
Band 6The essay addresses the question and a position is stated in the introduction ("I am agree with this idea for the most part"), so it responds to all parts of the task. The main ideas — school keeps teenagers busy, jobs remove the need to steal, prisons teach "bad things" — are relevant, but they are asserted more than developed: "learn good things" is too vague to support the argument, and "So education is the best way to stop crime" over-claims from a single example. The conclusion weakens the position by ending with "spend money on both of them", which leaves the reader unsure how far the writer really agrees. Relevant but insufficiently developed ideas and an unclear conclusion are typical of Band 6.
Coherence and Cohesion
Band 6The essay is organised coherently, with one main idea per body paragraph and a clear overall progression from education to jobs to prisons. However, the linking is mechanical: every paragraph opens with a stock connector (Firstly, Secondly, On the other hand, In conclusion), and "On the other hand" is not quite accurate, because the fourth paragraph mostly supports the writer's view rather than opposing it. Referencing is sometimes unclear — "both of them" in the final sentence could refer to education and jobs or to prevention and prisons. Cohesion that works but is faulty and mechanical in places fits Band 6.
Lexical Resource
Band 5The range of vocabulary is limited and only just adequate for the task. Words are heavily repeated ("crime" appears in almost every sentence, "good" is used twice in one sentence, "very important" twice), and there are few attempts at less common items beyond "dangerous criminals" and "feel angry and hopeless". Spelling errors are frequent and noticeable ("goverments", "goverment", "resposibility", "usefull", "necesary"), and there are collocation and word-choice errors: "do crimes" should be commit crimes and "the main reason of" should be the main reason for. These errors do not stop communication, but together with the repetition they place vocabulary at Band 5.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Band 6There is a mix of simple and complex forms, including first conditionals ("If they stay in school, they will have less time…"), a relative clause ("teenagers who leave school early") and reason clauses with "because". Errors are regular but rarely block meaning: "I am agree" (I agree), "for reduce crime" (for reducing or to reduce), agreement errors in "a job give" and "it don't", plural errors in "many country" and "some situation", and a missing comma after "However". This combination of attempted complexity and frequent, non-impeding errors is Band 6.
Useful vocabulary and collocations
- leave school early
- correct and clear; at Band 7+ use drop out of school.
- have nothing to do
- natural, but informal; lack structure and purpose is a more precise upgrade.
- feel angry and hopeless
- good attempt to explain a cause; become disaffected expresses the same idea at a higher level.
- dangerous criminals
- accurate; violent offenders is the more precise term in crime essays.
- go back to crime
- understandable; the topic-specific verb is reoffend (noun: reoffending rates).
How this essay could reach Band 7
- 1Replace general claims with explained examples: instead of "learn good things", say what school or training gives a teenager (skills, routine, a qualification) and why that makes crime less attractive.
- 2Widen and check vocabulary: use commit a crime, offenders, reoffend and unemployment to avoid repeating "crime" and "good", and learn the spelling of government, necessary, responsibility and useful.
- 3Finish with a conclusion that restates the position clearly (for example, prevention should be the priority, with prisons kept for the most dangerous offenders) rather than "spend money on both of them".
This is an original sample essay written by IELTS-Bank to illustrate Band 6 against the public IELTS Writing band descriptors. The band scores are our assessment, not an official IELTS result. IELTS-Bank is not affiliated with, endorsed by, or connected to the British Council, IDP: IELTS Australia, or Cambridge University Press & Assessment. "IELTS" is a registered trademark of its respective owners and is used here for descriptive purposes only.